Band
by TheGirlin404
Summary: Jane's doing some thinking and ends up spinning her wedding band on the coffee table. WARNING! THERE IS A TRIGGER WARNING AT THE BEGINNING: LOOK AT IT BEFORE READING. Rated M for the content of the trigger warning.
**TRIGGER WARNING! ! !: If you are triggered by anything that is suicide related please turn back now and don't read this one.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli and Isles or anything related to it. I do not profit from any of this, sometimes they're just my muse. Copyrights belong to their holders whoever all they may be.**

* * *

Jane sighed as she took a seat on the couch. She hung her head for a moment just to go over the plan that she had in her mind one more time. When she finished she placed her service weapon down on the coffee table in front of her along with the beer that she had cracked open. She grabbed up the remote and switched the tv on. She wasn't actually going to watch anything, but she wanted to have some background noise on.

She picked up the piece of paper that was so thick it almost felt like a cardstock and leaned back on the couch. She didn't really need to look at the words; she already had the whole letter memorized. She laid the paper down beside her and reached for the beer.

She held the bottle in her hand and considered downing in; it was something that would be easy for her to do. In fact, it would be easy for her to down several bottles right now but she wanted a mostly clear mind for this.

Some of the words from the letter started to run through her mind. _I will always love you, but I don't think I can do this anymore… We've changed over the years…_

Jane set her beer back on the coffee table and reached for her ring. She slid the thin gold band off of her finger with ease and held it in her hand for a moment just feeling the weight of it. To anyone else it would weigh practically nothing, and she supposed that to her it had been that way for a long time too. Now that she rolled it around between her fingers she realized exactly how much it had weighed.

She had worn that ring almost every day for over 15 years. It had been almost 16 since she and Maura had picked it out together. She held it up to the light just right so that she could take a look at the inside of the band. Still inside was the trinity knot that she had chosen to have inscribed there. Maura's ring had a matching one.

She had been having some kind of romantic moment when she slipped back to the jeweler's to ask them if she could get the symbol inscribed inside both of the rings. She knew that Maura would love having something that represented her heritage within their rings and to her it symbolized the things that she wanted for Maura: to love her, honor her, and protect her; with no beginning and no end.

Somewhere along the way she had forgotten those things. Honestly, now that she thought about it, she had probably forgotten those things not long after they had said I do. Sure they had made a great life together, but when it really came down to it she didn't love and honor Maura the way that she could have.

They had decided to spend a couple of years together doing the things they wanted to do before really settling down and having kids. Once they decided they might be ready for kids then she was up for a promotion at work and wanted to see if she could get that before they started trying. But once she had the job and things were hectic and she wanted to wait and let things slow down again.

One day they both looked up and realized that they would be pushing 70 and have kids in high school if they had gotten pregnant right away. As much as they still wanted kids they just couldn't see putting themselves through the process because it would probably just cause heartache. They had considered adoption, but had talked themselves out of it for many of the same reasons that they weren't going to try for a child of their own. If she had really loved and honored Maura as much as she believed she could have made sure to make one of Maura's biggest dreams a reality: instead she had failed.

Jane shook her head to get her mind out of the trip that she had taken down memory lane. She took the ring and started to spin it like a coin on top of the coffee table. She looked at the shapes of the optical illusion that it created as it spun around before clinking to a stop on the wood.

She turned now to her service weapon. She looked it over, holding it in her hand and feeling the smooth cool metal. It had been years since she had had to fire it: when you had a desk job you didn't have much need of your service weapon anymore, but you were still allowed to carry one. In all the years that she had carried the gun, but hadn't needed it, she had still made sure to maintain it properly. She had cleaned and oiled it regularly to keep it in tip top shape, just in case she ever did need it.

She laughed now at what she thought was irony. She had kept her gun maintained all these years, but somewhere along the way she had forgotten to do the same with her marriage. At least she had maintained her gun though, so it could be of use to her now.

It had been three months since Maura had written the letter. They were supposed to have had dinner together that night, but she had been swamped in paperwork. She had called and apologized, promising that she would get home at a decent hour for once. A decent hour had passed two hours before she had gotten home that evening. Of course, she could have been home at almost any hour that evening and still would have found the same thing; the letter sitting on the counter with her name in the script writing that she would recognize anywhere.

Jane remembered nearly ripping the paper of the letter as she unfolded it to read what it had said. She had dropped it immediately on the counter when she realized what it was telling her and ran for their bedroom. Many of Maura's things were still there, but the important things were gone. Immediately she felt the pain of her loss, as if a piece of her died right there in that spot.

She took the gun and pulled on the slide to load the chamber. She had done this thousands of times over the course of her career, but this time it seemed different, final. Well, it was final she supposed. She laid the gun on her lap as she reached for her beer bottle and gulped the last of its contents.

Jane ran her fingers through her graying, wild mane of curls and took a deep breath. She took Maura's letter and set it back on the coffee table, placing her ring on top of it. She gripped the gun and placed it lightly against her temple.

She started to think of all the things that she would do differently if she had them to do over again. But that was the thing about life, you very rarely got do overs, and she definitely wasn't going to get one of those. The only thing that she really and truly wanted right now was to hear Maura's voice one last time. Perhaps wherever she ended up she would be granted the mercy of having that one last thing.

Somewhere in all of her thoughts tears had involuntarily spilled forth from her eyes and were now streaming down her cheeks. She took her free hand and wiped some of them away. Not that it really mattered anymore. She wiped her hand off on her jeans and gripped the gun just a little bit tighter as she pressed it a little firmer against her temple. Whatever medical examiner that performed her autopsy wouldn't care whether or not she had been crying when she pulled the trigger.

Jane took one last deep breath and closed her eyes as her index finger started to squeeze the trigger.

"Jane!"

* * *

 **AN: And that's all she wrote folks. If you have made it this far thank you for taking the time to read. I don't normally write anything quite so dark and heavy as this, but Jane spinning her ring on the coffee table with a break up letter from Maura just came to me and I had to get it down. I would love to hear any thoughts you may have on this one, so leave me a review, please.**


End file.
